Cigarettes and Butterfly's

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty." -Maya Angelou

I hit a little patch of, let's say, temporary mini depression.

You see, while only doing things that fit my "life purpose" is all well and good. It has left A LOT room and empty space for change. And it is hard, a little sad and lonely here right now.

The time that used to be spent being off purpose, wasting time, mindlessly watching re-runs on TV, hanging out with the people I talked about the other day, or running here for this one and doing that for that one is now free.

Don't get me wrong, it is great. Now, I focus on the things I need and want to spend time doing to remain"on purpose."

I am FAR MORE productive. I have accomplished more this week than I have in a week in a very long time.

I have felt much more in-control, focused and organized.

I even had free time to actually sit relax and have coffee and breakfast with my bestie.

I guess it is just, old habits are hard to break. Let me compare it smoking. If you have ever been a smoker, or are one now, you will know exactly what I am talking about.

Smoking is bad for you. there is nothing good about it! It is literally slowly destroying you. THIS IS A FACT! Even as you are smoking that cigarette, enjoying it, in the back of your mind you know this is not good and completely self destructive

HOWEVER, you just don't stop, as a matter of fact, you start spending more and more time with Philip (Philip Morris that is) all the while knowing that it is one of the most ridiculous and stupid things you could be doing.

Then one day, God willing, before it is to late. You realize this has to end. And you stop and cut smoking out of you life. Some do it could turkey, some do it slowly, some keep Philip around and let him spend time with them only a few times a year. Either way, Suddenly you miss it. you are sad, feel off balance and are a little depressed.

Well, that is where I have been. I have been missing my old habits and the never realized how much time they filled.

Growth, it isn't always easy, but the payoff is worth it.

Ask the butterfly.

:0)

AA

Day 14 - Complain drain

There's this section about stopping complaining, Amy and I have talked about it - I'm getting better but it's tough. I think that it becomes such a second nature habit that often, I'll complain without even realizing it!

Jack talks about how when you do complain, "you're complaining to the wrong person..."

I'm super guilty of this. If I'm aggravated with my boss, I'll complain to my sister and if my spouse is driving me crazy, I'll complain to a friend. Why? Why do I do this? I think it's because there's something I want to internally discuss/fix/change/address but I'm fearful. Fearful of making that person upset and fearful of feeling uncomfortable. This is a bad habit. Jack says, "successful people replace complaining with making requests and taking action."

I've been such a passive, people pleasing person for so much of my life. Always afraid of making others upset. I've done way better with this over the course of the last few years but I find it easy to slip into "complaining" mode rather than "action" mode.

Truth is, not only are you more successful when you have control over the outcome of things, but I personally feel so much happier when I am changing /influencing and at very least "being heard" on matters.

I'm going to keep working on this one!

Day 13; (on day 14) Hey,If it was easy everyone would do it.

If it was easy everyone would do it.

TAKE 100% RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE!

E+R=O... On it,

(not all that hard for me to apply)

Give up excesses... On it,

(doing really well with this)

Listen to the yellow light... On it,

(so learning to really trust my first instinct's)

Give up complaining... On It,

(still, trying to master)

BE CLEAR WHY YOU ARE HERE!

Design my life's purpose... On it,

(done and happy with it)

Read it every day... On it,

(put it n my desk top so I see it all the time)

Organize all of my activities around it... On it,

(still a work in progress)

NOW THE CATCH...

Doing all these things... all at the same time.

HARD WORK. HARD AS HECK!!!!!

Yesterday, I began to realize that there are some people in my life that just don't work. They don't really support me.

They aren't very happy for my successes.

It seems that I am there for them all most anytime they call on me, but when I call on them they just can't seem to be there.

In the past I would be upset that they wouldn't be there for me.

It would be really upset, hurt me and bothered me.

Wasn't I there every single time they asked me for something??

Why was it so hard for them to be there for me??

Fact is, it wasn't that hard. They just didn't want to, for whatever reasons.

The worst part is that I have considered some of them to be my closest friends.

I would complain to my other friends and say can you believe I asked, so and so, and they said they couldn't.

Ahhhhh Haaaaa.... I was complaining! and complaining to the wrong people.

I need to have a conversation with the friends that are the source of the issue.

Either they will see and understand my point of view. Maybe I will learn why this is happening. And then we can try to build a stronger, equal and more positive relationship.

But there are some that just need to go.

They are not positive and healthy relationships in my life.

I would not be able to have them around on a regular basics and stay "on purpose."

And now the hard part.

E+R=O.

I need to change my response to these people. I need to remove them from my everyday life. In a kind and respectable manner.

I need to accept responsibility that I have allowed myself to become comfortable with the way the relationship is and people can only take what we give them.

This is going to be uncomfortable. Habits must be broken. friendships must change. Some will become stronger. Some will end and some will just fade into the background.

But in the end it will be worth it because I know I will be better off, much happier and "on purpose."

AA

:0)

Ps. I LOVE YOU JEN!

YOU ARE THE BEST FRIEND A GIRL COULD ASK FOR.

CANT WAIT FOR YOU TO CATCH A RIDE ON MY JET ON OUR WAY TO YOUR YACHT!

Day 12 -I get knocked down, but get up again...

OK, good thing we are doing this blog for accountability. This is what happens. I get all fired up for week one and then by week two, I start to lose focus. This blog is great though because even though I hate to admit my failure on this entry, it forces me to remain accountable and reminds me to recommit for next time.

I was about to make up a bunch of excuses but I'm going to go the Jack route and take full responsibility - I didn't do the push up today. I briefly thought about my life purpose and briefly thought about this blog and then completely forgot about it, now it's time to go to bed so I'm choosing to not do much work right now.

Tomorrow I will refocus.

I love this quote, "It's not about the fall, it's about the recovery." So - I'm not perfect, so, I have no real Jack to contribute today - does it mean this thing is over? Hell no! If you fall, dust off your seat and get back on track - I'm not giving up just because I've stumbled!

While slightly off Jack track - other things in life are going well -- eating fabulously, super healthy - whole grains, lean proteins, lots of fruits and veggies, healthy oils - I'm feeling great on that front. One of my other personal goals was to stop hoarding (I think I might have a slight hoarding thing going on) and to get very organized this year. I committed to cleaning and organizing every room in my house - I finished my bedroom today and spent 4 full days doing it - never giving up. 8 huge black bags of stuff to donate later and I'm moving on to the next room tomorrow!

So that's all I got for today. Off to do some reading and get "re-fired" up!

Day 11; practicing my life's purpose

Today I have been practicing living my life's purpose:

To use my compassion, insight and creativity to help others feel comfortable and good with who they are as well as help them recognize their own unique inner and outer beauty.

I managed to make applying my life purpose into a little game for myself.

I try see if I can get everyone I come in contact with to feel good and show it,

with at the very least a smile.

How do I do this you ask???

I make conversation with the gas station attendant...

Tell the waitress how great her hair cut is...

Let the lady, with here 3 children in tow, in line behind me at the post office go ahead of me and complement how beautiful her children are...

Tell a colleague how much I appreciate the help they have given me.

There really is only one rule...

Every complement and every conversation MUST BE SINCERE AND GUIENE.

Guess what???? So much fun! And makes me feel pretty great too!

I have actually been smiling almost all day.

It has made me feel different, kind of special and, this might sound a little crazy,powerful as well.

It is like I have secret super power.

With just a few sincere words from me you will fall prey to my new found super power and feel good.

Now I have to admit today may have been fun and so easy because I was not at work. Tomorrow will be a big test. I am working all day. Lets see if my super powers are as strong on a work day?

AA

:0)

Day 10 - Clearly, I'm still not sure why I'm here...

Well, that's not all together true. I made an attempt a few days ago to figure out "my purpose" but Amy pointed out to me that it was kind of weak and she was right. I think it's probably part of the fear that can bubble up when you start down this kind of self-improvement path. You just don't want to mess it up. AND a life purpose does seem like such a big deal!! Talk about commitment - your life purpose is your whole reason of living!!

So anyway, I guess I came up with something that sounded a'ight and was trying to gloss on to the next chapter. It was pretty subconscience (sp?). I really thought I was doing the exercise but in hindsight, I rushed thru it and didn't give it another thought since. So not a Jack move. Good thing, I've got Acton to keep me honest :)

So I've been doing a lot of thinking on this one. This is what I've got after many attempts:

"My life purpose is to use my optimism and creativity to uplift others in a empathetic way to find their own unique talents to shine."

I'm still not 100% sure of this but I feel like I'm getting closer. Guess I'm still a work in progress on this one. Jack suggests considering meditation to help your purpose come. So I may turn to that.

Day 9; Principle 2 Be Clear Why You're Here

Principle #2

Be Clear Why You Are Here

This principle suggests that each of us is born with a life purpose. Identifying, acknowledging and honoring this purpose is perhaps the most important action successful people take.

Successful people take the time to understand what they are here to do. And then they pursue that with passion and enthusiasm.

If you don't have a life purpose it is very easy to get sidetracked, wander, drift and accomplish little. But with a purpose everything seems to fall into place.

Everything you do should be an expression of your purpose. If an activity doesn't fit that formula, you wouldn't (and I suppose shouldn't) work on it PERIOD!

Figure out what you love to do as young as you can and then organize your life around figuring out how to make a living at it.

After some thinking, soul searching and completing The Life Purpose Exercise on page 23 I have put my life purpose into words.

My Life purpose:

To use my compassion, insight and creativity to help others feel comfortable and good with who they are as well as help them recognize their own unique inner and outer beauty.

I love it. I feel good about it. Now to live it!

AA

:0)